Confession of a Toy Fox Terrier

Early morning insomnia has kicked in and this time I'm awake with something on my mind.

I spent most of Saturday fixing up the yard. You know... mowing, trimming, pulling weeds. And believe me when I say... it needed it. With me in school and not as much time to dedicate as I once did... I have had to withstand the ugly glares from the neighbors as I've let the grass get a little longer between mows so I can study for the big test that was always the next day!

When we shopped the house it was the big fenced in back yard that 'sealed the deal' for us. Its not a great fence and not even a good fence. Its a privacy fence made from the cheapest grade of pine probably on the market. I've sometimes joked with my wife that we are the proud owners of a balsa wood fence! But I've managed to keep it together and it looks decent.

So back to my Saturday. I was finishing up with the weed eater around the fence periphery and I was in a distant corner that I sometimes 'skip' as it is the only wooded area of the yard... and I have to confess... easy to miss with the mower since nobody can see past the trees and our toy fox terrier is the only one to ever really go back there. But Saturday was a special day. My goal was to get the yard in tip top shape in time for Mothers Day. My boys and I have a great day planned.

I hadn't been back there long when I noticed the smell. Oh man... something has died! I immediately thought of the robin's nest my wife and oldest son had found last week in the tree facing the house. Yep. There is only one chick now and it has really grown! I figured it had muscled out its two smaller siblings and their little dead bodies must be nearby.

So I just held my breath a little bit and went in a little further and THAT is when I noticed... it wasn't a couple of baby birds. Instead it was a rather large carcass stuck half way under our fence. The fur looked like it might be a small opossum... a good portion of it had been chewed off... and there is only one creature in the immediate area with opportunity... our dog.

As I walked to the retrieve a shovel from our garage that is when the sinking feeling started. "Oh sh*t... that fur resembled the neighbor's big male himalayan!" I remember my montra as I walked the shovel back to the spot, "Please don't be a cat, please don't be a cat, please don't be... DAMN-IT!" It was, in fact, the neighbor's cat.

But how? I did a little more inspecting (CSI style) and realized the body was positioned as such that it was caught crawling out of our yard and under the fence to no-man's zone (dead space between mine and a different neighbor's fence). Our dog being the terrier that he is just did what came natural to his breed and went after the animal in the hole.

Poor cat. He was annoying as sh*t with his wailing on our front porch and his wild sex parties in our shrubs... yes... I said wild sex parties. The damn cat mated regularly in our shubs just below our youngest son's bedroom window. But as annoying as that cat was no creature deserved to have died this way. Poor thing.

Now normally I would do the right thing by breaking the news to my neighbor... but the cat's owner is not a normal neighbor. I have a neighbor that has developed a reputation over the years in this town as being quite litigious (... that means 'he likes to file frivolous lawsuits.')

Sure Too Fat... Whatever.

Don't believe me? Think I'm shirking my neighborly duty? Well let me plead my case.

1. This neighbor has threatened to sue a friend of ours who teaches high school English. He threatened to sue because his daughter earned a B. Suing over a freakin' B?!
2. Not long after we moved in this neighbor would meet me at our property line and start telling me about all the people in town that have done him wrong (mostly people holding public office) and how he has kept his attorney in "good working order."
   
3. A few years ago he had a old rusted out Bentley towed over to his driveway and parked underneath our only front yard tree (we have a zero lot line between us). The next day a big storm came through and our Bradford pear lost a limb... that fell on his Bentley... and I had a screaming lunatic threatening me with a lawsuit if I didn't get it cut off his car "immediately!" I realize he wouldn't have won since it was an act of God... but still.
   

So I feel bad for the cat. He received a proper burial.

Then when asked by my wife what I was doing in the back corner for so long... I made her take a pinky-blood oath and both of us agreed to never speak of it again!