Promise Keepers? What saps!

So I'm wandering through Wally World today shopping for last minute do-dads for a school function and family Christmas weekend when I am suddenly approached by this "guy" (let's call him twerp).

"Sir? I noticed you are wearing a wedding band. Are you interested in turning that relationship into the best relationship you have ever experienced?"

I'm thinking... Wal-Mart is muscling in on the marriage therapy market?

"Sir. Would you be interested in joining Promise Keepers... blah blah blah blah blah."

I performed what is often referred to as a 180 and walked away. And you would think that walking away would be a good sign that you are not interested. But no. Not for twerp. He followed me in to automotive (I was shopping for a 'Dirty Santa Claus' present for this coming family weekend).

"Sir? Sir."

Finally I turned around. "Look. I'm not interested so you can quit following me."

"Sir. Can I ask you what church you attend?"

That did it. "Hey buddy! I would make a lousy member because I don't believe you should get a pat on the back just for being faithful to your wife! How is that for an answer? Why don't you give me a pat on the back for NOT BEING A MURDERER!!!" (hint-hint)

I could tell I seriously pissed him off... which was my goal. Needless to say he quit following me.

Only a dumbass would come up with the concept of 'Promise Keepers'. The guys that belong to such an organization NEED all the help they can since they have obviously not been faithful (whether in flesh or spirit). But why do they think they need to have a reward for doing something they promised they would do anyway? How stupid?!

Here is my helpful hint #1. If you are having trouble staying faithful MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR YOU! Flip open your yellow pages, thumb through the legal section and hire yourself a divorce attorney. There are plenty of problems in this world that become bigger problems when people stay in marriages that they should not be involved in anyway.

Helpful hint #2. If you are currently a member of Promise Keepers then you should keep it a secret. You don't want the rest of the world knowing what a dumbass you are, do you?

Now everybody get back to the REAL purpose of Christmas by shopping your little asses off!!!